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How do I heal from the traumabond of getting raped by an onlyfans simp?
Sorry I'm not sure if my situations actually belong to this sub, however I found this while searching to be relatable to the violence, crimes and loss I've suffered, as a collateral damage to these disgusting simps who are porn sick, sexualized me and shamed me, not even just men, women as well. From all ages! Even old fat ugly women who sexually harassed and assaulted me because their disgusting porn sick male members of the family wouldn't stop voyeur me, fap to me and film me in secret.
I'm absolutely disgusted and don't have an outlet online to post this, as I'm overwhelmed by these trauma, so I'm deciding to vent here, although the professionals I work with adviced me not to, to pretend seeing bad replies and people who are toxic etc, but I just don't care anymore and I need to vent, I might not read any replies for fear of harmful toxicities...
I have been living in the world capitol of sexual assault and rape, full of trashy men, it's London UK, it got especially bad after moved to a ghetto full of the lowest social economic class, add sexual depravity and debauchery to the equation, on top of me being quite literally the opposite of these kinda trash dirty people of certain demographic, I can't say much or I might get called labels, but if you know you know what these demographic is...
I was severely ostracized and harmed, by all the trash including the local police that works in the ghetto, I was even robbed of my super precious jewelry collection by them worth hundreds of thousands all one of a kind collectibles, yes I know it's weird I have supposedly very refined and expensive taste yet somehow I managed to get myself into these dangerous situations with the cheap trashy people.
That is why I feel so bad about myself, it's been self tortuous to question the why and blame it on myself. I know why, I've been running away from trauma and been hiding away, avoid anything that could trigger a response from past trauma, I have been dissociating and numbing away, hoping to stay safe until I somehow heal with time, but that never happened and trauma just caught up with me.
I've been wondering why it's always me getting sexual assaulted and harassed, I even asked my therapist or anyone I could vent to, the unanimous response was basically "well ....insert name... You know you are an attractive woman right?..." I'm just shocked as if that is the reason I should be harmed, violated, robbed, and raped like this? It's the same as saying, well you know you are rich so you should not be surprised poor people rob you right? How the f ?!
I'm not sure if it's the world has just gone so bad as a whole or it's just me personally has gone descended to a dystopian nightmare hell. I lived many places in the world had not experienced this type of urban slum humanoids fapping to digital masturbation cyborgs lowest of the low trashest of the trash, full of these copy and paste walking NPC living in their holodeck prison cell phone, numb down to a number, dumb and numb as the digits they use to type on the data tracking devices. Well I'm not much different I'm still part of the matrix. Everything is calculated down to the big data of what makes an emotion tick? What triggers a response to escape from trauma? What coping mechanism is this NPC using? Social media? Gaming? Pornography? Drugs? Well I'm not much an exception, mine was collecting investment grade jewelry and knowledge, as well as gymnastics acrobatics and circus tricks.
However after all the trashing, sexualizing and shaming from the disgusting society I've learned to value, love, save and support myself, despite an overwhelming urge to self trash, self harm, self shame to fit into the sick and twisted surroundings. I know I'm the diamond in the rough.
Whats in the way is the way, I felt so worthless, devalued, degraded from all the crimes, I really wanted to just normalize and be okay with it by being as low and as trashy as the external without. Because how did I attract that to begin with? It must be the within internal I secretly felt that way about myself.
When is the shame going to end, or where was the beginning? Could it be traced to the garden of Eden where I discovered shame? Because bring dis covered in clothes is somehow shameful and sexual? Yes I did gymnastics naked in my garden, I just expected others are civilized, evolved, expansive beings like myself, not realizing I'm in the ghetto, full of rudimentary primitive chimpanzees.
Perhaps it's not my fault I don't feel safe and belonging to such environment, looking for my heart on this earth that feels like a ghetto dimension on its own regardless of physical locations.